coffee
i’m holding myself
like my cup of coffee
Author: Nancy Gaeden
cruelty
your cruel ways
are not for these tender hearts
we are born in love
and not to be broken
like horses
yoked to carts
to do your bidding
your twisted heart
is sad
and wasted
you’ve squandered
our love
the very thing
you seek
so desperately
as to have lost
yourself
i pity you
and i grieve for us
for me
a good deserving girl
intent on pleasing
creative
joyful
unafraid
the lengths you went
to make me small
to make me squirm
under the weight
of your abused power
and need to hurt
pain is the only love you know
you squeezed so hard
until we went limp
from life
from love
from recognizing
the face of our father, a husband
behind the cruel mask
a heart
too broken
to love
kills
the exile, part II
i see you
and i will not turn away
though the scene
is grisly
you on your knees
nails black
from the earth you clawed
where there was
no way out
i am afraid
but i will not turn away
your mangled
silent
screams
still ringing
in my ears
hanging in the air
like suspended raindrops
even they
had no place to go
your desperation
reeks like urine
long forgotten
pretended away
this dark corner
where you’ve lived
is no place
for a little girl
with a big heart
i look in your eyes
deep pools of despair
betrayed
abandoned
I will not turn away
I will not turn away
I will not
hide
from your truth
there is still a glimmer
behind those dark eyes
you have been alone
for so long
i had to leave you
because it was too much
to bear
for a big girl
with a big heart
pretending was easier
than sitting here
with you
but i will not turn away
i am here
for you.
Dark Maroon Smoke
An ode to the suffering of women in my Chinese lineage, including two great-grandmothers with bound feet.
From Seed to Mother Earth
mother
your darkness envelopes me
your weight comforts me
your smell reminds me
of us
here i am
sinking
into your embrace
your heat
your cold
your warmth
your hold
lifting me
to the world above
transformed
evolved
ready
to Love
moment in the redwoods
Today we breathed in the fresh moisture of earth
leaves still shiny from the rain
green carpets of moss, standing tall