helpless

my mother is losing her mind
like a broken typewriter
clacking away randomly
furiously
pages and pages
of nonsense

she is walking in tight circles
one she drew in the ground
with her own fingers
while lamenting the world
she can no longer
participate in

all the ways we’ve tried
to lead her away
seems useless
she comes back
and resumes tracing
that circle
eyes down
feet dragging
heart filled with anxiety and dread
following the line
that doesn’t go anywhere

my heart breaks
she is slipping away
unrecognizable
a hand reaches out
from the dark
wanting help
but instead pulls me in
i tear away
the instinct to protect myself
and the instinct to bond with mother
at odds
i am powerless

i am angry
i am furious
i am crushed
i cannot save you
i can only watch you drown
or look away